In case you were wondering....
about the previous post, it's called a nested meditation. It is usually done in a spontaneous way where you start the first line, perhaps a thought or idea and then repeat it adding a second line, repeat again with both lines then add a third and so on. I suppose you could add as many as you want though that would be tedious after a while. It is an interesting excercise. You never know what might come out of your head.
This can be done as a poetic excercise or a prayer/meditation type excercise, for instance you might take a short line from the Bible (or other books of scripture), perhaps Jesus saying...."Blessed are the meek" and run with that for awhile and see what insights might come. There are, of course, variations on this idea which I may elaborate on in the future if anyone is interested. Or maybe, even if you're not!
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
I've decided....
that I can't make up my mind. First about the title. Now the subtitle. It will probably change again, perhaps in the next few moments, depending on whether I have a new or different revelation about what Russo's Paradigm really means.
(One definition: A general agreement of belief of how the world works, what could be called 'common sense').
Or how about this one: (In general, pattern, exemplar, or example (especially an outstanding or unproblematic example); more technically, a theoretical, methodological, or heuristic framework. Originally meaning the exemplification of the rule, the term paradigm has become the rule that governs the example. In modern structural linguistics, particularly with Roman Jakobson [253], the paradigm is defined by complementary opposition to the syntagm, the paradigmatic axis being the system of associations from which the constitutive elements of the discursive chain, or syntagm, are selected.)
Now, like me, I know you understood all that, right? Riiight.
Actually, I liked the first one better. And when you add this addendum: "paradigms are social constructions, historically and culturally embedded discourse practices, and therefore neither inviolate nor unchanging". It makes even more sense since the paradigm is not rigid, but flexible as I would prefer.
(More on this later)
that I can't make up my mind. First about the title. Now the subtitle. It will probably change again, perhaps in the next few moments, depending on whether I have a new or different revelation about what Russo's Paradigm really means.
(One definition: A general agreement of belief of how the world works, what could be called 'common sense').
Or how about this one: (In general, pattern, exemplar, or example (especially an outstanding or unproblematic example); more technically, a theoretical, methodological, or heuristic framework. Originally meaning the exemplification of the rule, the term paradigm has become the rule that governs the example. In modern structural linguistics, particularly with Roman Jakobson [253], the paradigm is defined by complementary opposition to the syntagm, the paradigmatic axis being the system of associations from which the constitutive elements of the discursive chain, or syntagm, are selected.)
Now, like me, I know you understood all that, right? Riiight.
Actually, I liked the first one better. And when you add this addendum: "paradigms are social constructions, historically and culturally embedded discourse practices, and therefore neither inviolate nor unchanging". It makes even more sense since the paradigm is not rigid, but flexible as I would prefer.
Monday, April 26, 2004
On the beach....
watching, among other things, the youth. Teens we thought, but were probably slightly over 21, tramping about in the sand, their hands constantly touching (groping?) each other.
As I read APR (American Poetry Review) I wondered if they wondered why I'm sitting here reading stuff that appears indecipherable and intellectual and no doubt to them totally boring.
And I think....who is the smarter? They who are totally experiencing life as fully as possible or me and my meager attempt to simply write about it?
I'm tempted to wake up my wife and say, 'Let's play?, let's fondle, touch, kiss, run and get wet in the surf together....
There is time for writing later.
watching, among other things, the youth. Teens we thought, but were probably slightly over 21, tramping about in the sand, their hands constantly touching (groping?) each other.
As I read APR (American Poetry Review) I wondered if they wondered why I'm sitting here reading stuff that appears indecipherable and intellectual and no doubt to them totally boring.
And I think....who is the smarter? They who are totally experiencing life as fully as possible or me and my meager attempt to simply write about it?
I'm tempted to wake up my wife and say, 'Let's play?, let's fondle, touch, kiss, run and get wet in the surf together....
There is time for writing later.
Friday, April 23, 2004
I lost it....
I had started writing that explanation of the title of this blog (which has undergone several iterations), then got busy with some business stuff, shut down the computer and forgot to save what I had written. Now I'll have to start all over again.
That's life!. I remember Jennifer becoming furious with herself and me when she lost the email she had worked so hard to compose not once but on two separate occasions. It was actually partly my fault as I was trying to tell her how to use the common keyboard shortcuts to highlight text (ctrl a), then copy (ctrl c), and later if needed to paste (ctrl v) and somehow in that process the highlighted text disappeared!
I know what happened but to try to explain it to her in those circumstances was frought with the danger of losing my head or possibly other vital parts of my body. Sometimes silence is the better part of valor.
Well, we're off to the beach in a couple of hours so I'll have to do that paradigm thing while I'm down there at the coast (Carolina Beach). Looks like good weather but who cares? We just want to get away for awhile and enjoy the time together. It is our 8th anniversary weekend after all. I think the cliche is; I can't believe how quickly the time goes. And it's true, it does not seem that long at all. The other one I enjoy is; it seems like we've been together all our lives. And that is certainly true. Common phrases become cliched from overuse and because they have the ring of truth to them.
Our tanned selves will see on the rebound next week.
I had started writing that explanation of the title of this blog (which has undergone several iterations), then got busy with some business stuff, shut down the computer and forgot to save what I had written. Now I'll have to start all over again.
That's life!. I remember Jennifer becoming furious with herself and me when she lost the email she had worked so hard to compose not once but on two separate occasions. It was actually partly my fault as I was trying to tell her how to use the common keyboard shortcuts to highlight text (ctrl a), then copy (ctrl c), and later if needed to paste (ctrl v) and somehow in that process the highlighted text disappeared!
I know what happened but to try to explain it to her in those circumstances was frought with the danger of losing my head or possibly other vital parts of my body. Sometimes silence is the better part of valor.
Well, we're off to the beach in a couple of hours so I'll have to do that paradigm thing while I'm down there at the coast (Carolina Beach). Looks like good weather but who cares? We just want to get away for awhile and enjoy the time together. It is our 8th anniversary weekend after all. I think the cliche is; I can't believe how quickly the time goes. And it's true, it does not seem that long at all. The other one I enjoy is; it seems like we've been together all our lives. And that is certainly true. Common phrases become cliched from overuse and because they have the ring of truth to them.
Our tanned selves will see on the rebound next week.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
The flowering of what.....?
Anyone who knows me really well knows what a journey this has been. I am of course referring to the last thirty years of personal and spiritual growth. Not that I have arrived, needless to say. It is an ongoing path of learning and growing into what I think I already understand and making all of that real for my life. The paradigm part I will explain later. Gotta go. I have a process working and need to rinse it off this ladies head.
Anyone who knows me really well knows what a journey this has been. I am of course referring to the last thirty years of personal and spiritual growth. Not that I have arrived, needless to say. It is an ongoing path of learning and growing into what I think I already understand and making all of that real for my life. The paradigm part I will explain later. Gotta go. I have a process working and need to rinse it off this ladies head.
Follow up....
on the TV thing. I guess it depends on what you happen to be watching. Occasionally I am informed and uplifted. Last night was not a case in point.
We watched 'American Idol' which I happen to enjoy most of the time. It can be interesting to see how the contestants respond from week to week. Last night for example, Jennifer did a spectacular job on a Barry Manilow song. I had not liked her that much to this point.
Fantasia and Latoya and George were not quite up to their usual standard. And that John Stevens kid has no business still competing at this level, but hey, what do I know. America voted.
So was I informed and uplifted? Well, it was a semi-enjoyable waste of an hour of our time. If I think of it in terms of what I could (or should) have done then maybe it was a total waste of time. On the other hand I also defragged my hard drives, so all was not lost!
New quote: "I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of quiet life stimulates the creative mind."
-- Albert Einstein
on the TV thing. I guess it depends on what you happen to be watching. Occasionally I am informed and uplifted. Last night was not a case in point.
We watched 'American Idol' which I happen to enjoy most of the time. It can be interesting to see how the contestants respond from week to week. Last night for example, Jennifer did a spectacular job on a Barry Manilow song. I had not liked her that much to this point.
Fantasia and Latoya and George were not quite up to their usual standard. And that John Stevens kid has no business still competing at this level, but hey, what do I know. America voted.
So was I informed and uplifted? Well, it was a semi-enjoyable waste of an hour of our time. If I think of it in terms of what I could (or should) have done then maybe it was a total waste of time. On the other hand I also defragged my hard drives, so all was not lost!
New quote: "I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of quiet life stimulates the creative mind."
-- Albert Einstein
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Just had to add this....
My favorite quote for the day:
"My primary objection to television is that it almost always leaves us in the same place we were before we started watching, like a Twinkie for the brain…"
David Ziegler
My favorite quote for the day:
"My primary objection to television is that it almost always leaves us in the same place we were before we started watching, like a Twinkie for the brain…"
David Ziegler
Jury Duty....yea!
I have not exactly looked forward to this day. Having served on three criminal trials in the past and been called twice in the last three years I feel like I've paid my dues, especially knowing that so many people have never been called the first time. One person told me last Saturday that she forgot to report for jury duty and never bothered to call. She just let it slide and so far has gotten by with it.
The sheriff would be knocking at my door within hours! Fortunately a local judge is cracking down on no shows and has summoned about 42 jurors to explain why they were not in court on the appointed day.
Hang 'em high, I say! Not really, but they should at least be called to account.
The good news is I didn't have to stay. Only one jury was seated and the rest of us got cut loose about 11:45 am. This was a first for me and boy was I glad.
Jury duty is actually kind of fun if you get on an interesting case and if you have all the free time in the world to hang around the courthouse all day, sometimes for several days.
This civic duty thing can get expensive. (They pay us all of $12.00 dollars a day, woo hoo!)
Okay, enough griping....here's a good word for the day:
"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time,' is like saying, 'I don't want to.'"
-- Lao-Tzu
(Ouch! That's a tough one)
I have not exactly looked forward to this day. Having served on three criminal trials in the past and been called twice in the last three years I feel like I've paid my dues, especially knowing that so many people have never been called the first time. One person told me last Saturday that she forgot to report for jury duty and never bothered to call. She just let it slide and so far has gotten by with it.
The sheriff would be knocking at my door within hours! Fortunately a local judge is cracking down on no shows and has summoned about 42 jurors to explain why they were not in court on the appointed day.
Hang 'em high, I say! Not really, but they should at least be called to account.
The good news is I didn't have to stay. Only one jury was seated and the rest of us got cut loose about 11:45 am. This was a first for me and boy was I glad.
Jury duty is actually kind of fun if you get on an interesting case and if you have all the free time in the world to hang around the courthouse all day, sometimes for several days.
This civic duty thing can get expensive. (They pay us all of $12.00 dollars a day, woo hoo!)
Okay, enough griping....here's a good word for the day:
"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time,' is like saying, 'I don't want to.'"
-- Lao-Tzu
(Ouch! That's a tough one)
Friday, April 16, 2004
Just a reminder....
"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."
President Dwight D. Eisenhower
April 16, 1953
(This is not intended as an anti war statement per se, just a reminder about what it is actually costing us)
"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."
President Dwight D. Eisenhower
April 16, 1953
(This is not intended as an anti war statement per se, just a reminder about what it is actually costing us)
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
In the car
parked near some woods, engine idling rhythmically and I'm wondering....Is there some connection to my body and the machine rumbling softly under me?
I think to myself, 'we are made of the same stuff'. I sense its wonder at my touch, my attempt to control it so lovingly. I feel the cool of its seemingly dead molecules of steel and glass and plastic, which is nothing compared to those molecules vibrating radiantly in the glory of more animate objects.
Do these little orbs not have life also? Is it their inanimate state that (to my slowness of sight) they appear benign? They move to a different rhythm, an ancient song which eludes me though I seek to catch a glimpse now and then of its essence.
If I could match the speed of their waves, their songs, their longings, I would connect to the chain that links me to all motion. Thus it would make sense to me,this persistent thumping in my chest and all the little universes that vibrate to the tune of natures waltz, and the beat of compressed fire in those four steel cylinders.
parked near some woods, engine idling rhythmically and I'm wondering....Is there some connection to my body and the machine rumbling softly under me?
I think to myself, 'we are made of the same stuff'. I sense its wonder at my touch, my attempt to control it so lovingly. I feel the cool of its seemingly dead molecules of steel and glass and plastic, which is nothing compared to those molecules vibrating radiantly in the glory of more animate objects.
Do these little orbs not have life also? Is it their inanimate state that (to my slowness of sight) they appear benign? They move to a different rhythm, an ancient song which eludes me though I seek to catch a glimpse now and then of its essence.
If I could match the speed of their waves, their songs, their longings, I would connect to the chain that links me to all motion. Thus it would make sense to me,this persistent thumping in my chest and all the little universes that vibrate to the tune of natures waltz, and the beat of compressed fire in those four steel cylinders.
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Follow your own path
"Life is complex. Each one of us must make his own path through life. There are no self-help manuals, no formulas, no easy answers. The right road for one is the wrong road for another ... The journey of life is not paved in blacktop; it is not brightly lit, and it has no road signs. It is a rocky path through the wilderness."
-- M. Scott Peck
"Life is complex. Each one of us must make his own path through life. There are no self-help manuals, no formulas, no easy answers. The right road for one is the wrong road for another ... The journey of life is not paved in blacktop; it is not brightly lit, and it has no road signs. It is a rocky path through the wilderness."
-- M. Scott Peck
Friday, April 09, 2004
Dr. Visit
Yes, finally. I did go to see my doctor about these nagging allergies. So now I'm loaded up with three more medications to take daily. They will set me up with an appointment with a real allergist, something I was going to do anyway.
Had a great discussion with a client this morning about our mixed motives in almost all that we do, even, or especially those things that we do for others "good". True humility is the rarest of characteristics. Even then there seems to be a very subtle, almost indiscernable "ego" that underlies the best of motives. This is not a right or wrong issue. It is, however, something that requires our awareness.
This awareness, or 'mindfulness' is a focus now in western religious culture. Of course, the eastern traditions (read; Buddhist among others) have known this for centuries and is a major focus of their meditative practices. To be aware of my true (or mixed) motives enables me to act and interact with others with a greater degree of integrity.
If you get a chance, read Beth's blog (link on the right panel). It is one of the most touching posts to date that she has written about Christian. We love you Beth (and Thad) and are standing with you in these difficult times. (I have decided to add that entry here since you would have to go to her archives to find it)
Ron & Jennifer
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Obviously, I could never forget the day Christian was born. I clearly remember the nurse placing him into my arms and how perfect it felt for him to be there... whoever coined the phrase "love at first sight" must have been talking about the day a mother and her child meet for the first time. I could not take my eyes off of him- he was the most beautiful, perfect being I had ever seen. Nothing, and I seriously mean NOTHING, could compare to him. For the first three days of his life, I referred to him as the "perfect child." I was hooked. Nothing in this world feels more perfect than the shape of his hand in mine. I love his fingers and his toes and his beautiful eyes. I love the way he talks and the way his smile lights up a room. To me, he is still as perfect as the day he was born.
As I look back now on those first beginnings I sometimes get sad when I think of all that Christian has been through. As he grew, I saw signs suggesting he was lagging behind others his age, but since I was a new mother, I just couldn't decide if I was over-reacting or if he just needed more time. I could never leave him alone without worrying and when Thad told me to quit my job, I was ecstatic. I missed so much that first year and so I had hopes to help him with his learning and be there as I'd never been before. I felt responsible for his delays so I was determined to "fix" him and make it all better.
As time wore on, he became more and more difficult to handle. I could never take him to a store without him running off and I would have to chase after him in a panic. To say it's a miracle he is still with us is a serious understatement. ANYONE who has been out in public with us prior to medication knows how hard it was to keep up with him. I can't count the number of times he darted out into the middle of the street. He still has no concept of danger. Looking back on it, I don't know how I got through the day. I just thought I was a terrible, horrible, worthless mother who had failed at the simple task of motherhood. Everyone else's children stayed with them and followed directions... what had I done wrong?
Today, as I sat through the TEACCH evaluation, I thought back to all of those moments before pre-K, before the DEC, before medication, before all of it and I wanted to cry for Christian and for myself. I felt so badly for him that I did not recognize the signs earlier, that I could not help him sooner. He wasn't capable of telling me all the things he did not understand or that he could not help. He was just being Christian. But at that moment I also felt redeemed as a mother. I may not be good at a lot of things, but I am the BEST at loving Christian, even though it's not that hard to do.
So I sat there and relayed these stories for Michelle, Christian's caseworker. I told her everything and how his life has played out thus far. It took me approximately ten minutes to give her an idea of how Christian is. At the end of those ten minutes, she looked at me and said...
"Well. I'm convinced.
Beth, do you know what autism is?"
Boy- do I ever.
Yes, finally. I did go to see my doctor about these nagging allergies. So now I'm loaded up with three more medications to take daily. They will set me up with an appointment with a real allergist, something I was going to do anyway.
Had a great discussion with a client this morning about our mixed motives in almost all that we do, even, or especially those things that we do for others "good". True humility is the rarest of characteristics. Even then there seems to be a very subtle, almost indiscernable "ego" that underlies the best of motives. This is not a right or wrong issue. It is, however, something that requires our awareness.
This awareness, or 'mindfulness' is a focus now in western religious culture. Of course, the eastern traditions (read; Buddhist among others) have known this for centuries and is a major focus of their meditative practices. To be aware of my true (or mixed) motives enables me to act and interact with others with a greater degree of integrity.
If you get a chance, read Beth's blog (link on the right panel). It is one of the most touching posts to date that she has written about Christian. We love you Beth (and Thad) and are standing with you in these difficult times. (I have decided to add that entry here since you would have to go to her archives to find it)
Ron & Jennifer
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Obviously, I could never forget the day Christian was born. I clearly remember the nurse placing him into my arms and how perfect it felt for him to be there... whoever coined the phrase "love at first sight" must have been talking about the day a mother and her child meet for the first time. I could not take my eyes off of him- he was the most beautiful, perfect being I had ever seen. Nothing, and I seriously mean NOTHING, could compare to him. For the first three days of his life, I referred to him as the "perfect child." I was hooked. Nothing in this world feels more perfect than the shape of his hand in mine. I love his fingers and his toes and his beautiful eyes. I love the way he talks and the way his smile lights up a room. To me, he is still as perfect as the day he was born.
As I look back now on those first beginnings I sometimes get sad when I think of all that Christian has been through. As he grew, I saw signs suggesting he was lagging behind others his age, but since I was a new mother, I just couldn't decide if I was over-reacting or if he just needed more time. I could never leave him alone without worrying and when Thad told me to quit my job, I was ecstatic. I missed so much that first year and so I had hopes to help him with his learning and be there as I'd never been before. I felt responsible for his delays so I was determined to "fix" him and make it all better.
As time wore on, he became more and more difficult to handle. I could never take him to a store without him running off and I would have to chase after him in a panic. To say it's a miracle he is still with us is a serious understatement. ANYONE who has been out in public with us prior to medication knows how hard it was to keep up with him. I can't count the number of times he darted out into the middle of the street. He still has no concept of danger. Looking back on it, I don't know how I got through the day. I just thought I was a terrible, horrible, worthless mother who had failed at the simple task of motherhood. Everyone else's children stayed with them and followed directions... what had I done wrong?
Today, as I sat through the TEACCH evaluation, I thought back to all of those moments before pre-K, before the DEC, before medication, before all of it and I wanted to cry for Christian and for myself. I felt so badly for him that I did not recognize the signs earlier, that I could not help him sooner. He wasn't capable of telling me all the things he did not understand or that he could not help. He was just being Christian. But at that moment I also felt redeemed as a mother. I may not be good at a lot of things, but I am the BEST at loving Christian, even though it's not that hard to do.
So I sat there and relayed these stories for Michelle, Christian's caseworker. I told her everything and how his life has played out thus far. It took me approximately ten minutes to give her an idea of how Christian is. At the end of those ten minutes, she looked at me and said...
"Well. I'm convinced.
Beth, do you know what autism is?"
Boy- do I ever.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Update....
Just a quickie for now. Went to Woodruff last weekend to see Jennifer's parents. Her dad had had a stroke which was confirmed on Monday. He has to go back to the hospital on Wednesday for more tests. There is no paralysis this time but he does have numbness down his right side.
I know most of you know this by now and I meant to post when we got back on Sunday night, buuuut, well, you know how it is sometimes.
I've got an appointment with the doctor tomorrow mainly to see if there isn't something else we can do about these pesky allergies. Every thing I've tried so far just hasn't worked, sooo....
Since I don't have anything profound to say this time (did I ever?) I'll just have to quote somebody else:
Any attempt to get rid of painful feelings or memories is a judgement of them, and judgement locks them more firmly into place. The only way you can truly demonstrate unconditional love and acceptance of painful feelings is to allow them to be experienced and expressed consciously within you. They are from the past. You do not have to believe in them or identify with them. Just allow them expression. Allow them to be experienced within you. They will then relax. If they are truly accepted and experienced, they will dissolve, not because you are trying to get rid of them, but because you have truly owned and accepted them.
I know most of you know this by now and I meant to post when we got back on Sunday night, buuuut, well, you know how it is sometimes.
I've got an appointment with the doctor tomorrow mainly to see if there isn't something else we can do about these pesky allergies. Every thing I've tried so far just hasn't worked, sooo....
Since I don't have anything profound to say this time (did I ever?) I'll just have to quote somebody else:
Any attempt to get rid of painful feelings or memories is a judgement of them, and judgement locks them more firmly into place. The only way you can truly demonstrate unconditional love and acceptance of painful feelings is to allow them to be experienced and expressed consciously within you. They are from the past. You do not have to believe in them or identify with them. Just allow them expression. Allow them to be experienced within you. They will then relax. If they are truly accepted and experienced, they will dissolve, not because you are trying to get rid of them, but because you have truly owned and accepted them.
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